My birth story

I've always wanted to write about Myles' birth. Even before he was born I had planned on coming home from the hospital and writing a cute little story about how long it took, how many pushes, and how funny dad's face was when he saw his new baby boy and share some pictures of us waiting, my cool hospital gown, dad pacing, our helpful nurses, my angry face when I hadn't eaten yet after hours of labor....you get the point. The problem with plans though is that they never quite pan out the way you want them to. You can make a birth plan, fill in the blanks and check the boxes of the options you want; epidural: duh, episiotomy: ouch! no!, pictures: gross! no!, mirror: seriously? no! I almost feel like the birth plan is more of the "what you don't want to do during birth" plan.

**DISCLAIMER** If you read after this point I can not be responsible for you being offended, grossed out or over informed. I am putting my birth story on the blog because its therapeutic for me and as each day passes I remember less and less about the 3 short hours it took me to have my son. Also, if you are pregnant now please DON'T read this. There are some very serious and scary things that I talk about and I don't want to spook you. I have been holding off on writing my story because of the close friends we have who are pregnant but again, each day I lose more memory and I just wanted to collect my thoughts and put them into words before it's too late.

 Being the planner that I am I of course had a birth plan and I had it filled out and in my hospital bag at 38 weeks. This was the first time I REALLY thought that Myles might make his grand entry. If you've followed the blog you know that I had a somewhat complicated pregnancy for being an otherwise healthy young lady and being in decent shape. By 38 weeks I had already battled placenta previa, Myles being breech, and multiple kidney infections. By the grace of God none of my infections put in to pre-term labor, my placenta previa migrated away from the cervix enough to allow for a vaginal delivery, and Myles turned head down! Praise the Lord! We got the good news at my 37 week check up and after a quick exam my Dr. determined that I was 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced (softened cervix)-WHAT!!?? I couldn't feel anything changing-other than peeing a million times an hour. Could I be going into labor soon!!?? She smiled, told me to pack a hospital bag and said "Of course babies decide when they are ready to born, not us. But if I had to guess I would say it will be sooner rather than later with the way you're progressing already. I think it's a good time to at least have your bags packed and ready just in case." I was ecstatic! especially because I had just gone on maternity leave and wanted to use as little of it as possible actually being pregnant so that I could have more time with our new baby boy!  I continued to have Braxton-Hicks contractions on and off that weekend and then Monday morning at 0300 I started having really intense, uncomfortable contractions. I tried to reposition myself and go back to sleep but I just couldn't. "These contractions have got to be the real thing" I thought to myself. So, to make sure, I went to the kitchen and poured myself a large glass of water. The last few kidney infections I had caused contractions and drinking lots of water made them better. I decided to try water and a snack before waking up Dean. Two hours later and I was still having the contractions and at this point they seemed stronger and closer together. 7-10 minutes apart. I woke Dean up and told him I thought it was time to go to the hospital. In a sleepy haze he dressed and drove me in. While up in L&D (labor and delivery) I was hooked up to all the monitors and watching my contractions go. Could this be it? Could I really be leaving the hospital with a baby this time. As every contraction came I winced, breathed a little harder, and shifted my body. "This isn't fun, I don't want to do this" I thought. After about an hour of monitoring the on-call resident came in and told us that I had yet another kidney infection but that if I wanted to walk around the hospital a little bit they could see if my labor was progressing. I decided to wait. These contractions were different. I thought that it had to be a coincidence that my labor was starting with the infection, or maybe because of the infection? Another hour and the resident came in to check me. I hadn't progressed AT ALL. It was going on 0800 and I just wanted some sleep. Five hours of these annoying contractions and nothing. So, we went home. I took some benadryl, a warm bath, and then a nap. That Thursday I went back to the Dr. for another exam, visit, blah, blah, blah...She came in smiling "Well, as I said. A baby can come at any time." She gave me the "OK" and said she would see me in another week. I was still 2cm but now my cervix was 70% softened. She also let me know that she was on-call that weekend and so if the baby were to come she would still be the one to deliver. This made me feel better as I was SURE that he would be come before my 40 week appointment. BUT NO. My Dr. was pretty insistent on not scheduling a C-section or even an induction until we were sure the baby would not come on his own. In fact, something that I always liked about her was that even when the odds were against us she let me hang on to the hope that I would have a vaginal birth and not a surgery. However, if you have ever been pregnant you know the discomfort and general pain that is carrying a small human inside of you. So, when the day came that I was 41 weeks I had had enough. I hadn't progressed any more since my 38 week appointment and I thought for sure that after 3 weeks of not progressing that this baby was never leaving my womb willingly. I was tired, sore, uncomfortable, irritable, and irrational. I wanted to do anything I could to have this child! I tried EVERY home remedy to induce labor (SERIOUSLY, EVERY ONE THAT GOOGLE COULD FIND!) and none worked. I thought I had lost my mucous plug (I know, eww.) weeks prior but during my 41 (ugh) week exam the Dr assured me that my membranes were still in tact. Yet another sign that I was destined to be pregnant forever-FOREVER! So with request she stripped my membranes as a last stitch effort to send me into labor and set me up with an induction a few days later in hopes that I would go in to labor before she would have to induce me. Looking back on it I really should have just trusted her more and stayed pregnant. My Dr. was not only a reputable and experienced OB, she had spent years prior to med school as a labor and delivery nurse. If there was one person in this room that knew pregnancy it was her-not me. But my vienna sausage-like toes and fingers and the human that was doing somersaults in my belly reminded me that I was tired of being swollen and tired and blurred my better judgement. I showed up at Via Christi St. Joseph campus for my induction on January 31, 2013 at 0645. My induction was scheduled for 0730. I was ready to have this baby and decided that I would NOT be pregnant in February. Not happening! It was really weird honestly. I walked up to L&D (there was really no need for the theatrics of a wheelchair at this point) and checked in at the desk. "Hi, I'm here to have a baby." Because that's how most people enter L&D:) After getting gowned up, set up for monitoring and stuck (way too many times) with an IV it was time to start my induction. The pictocin was started at a very low dose (so I was told, I didn't care to ask). Just a little FYI when a woman naturally goes in to labor the hormone oxytocin is responsible. So, using a synthetic form of it intravenously like pitocin is said to mimic the effect. I had ice chips in hand and decided to wait for my labor to start. My awesome L&D nurse (who had a canny resemblance to Heather from Real Housewives on New York-yes I told her that) told me to rest while I could because once my labor began I would really need my strength. She began going over my birth plan with me and even joking with Dean about cutting the umbilical cord. "Um..nah I'm good" was his initial response. She kept telling other nurses and residents that Dean was cutting the cord he just didn't know it yet. It was time for shift change and sadly my housewife was leaving. Our next nurse was equally as awesome though and continued the banter about Dean cutting the umbilical cord. Apparently its a must-do moment?? Dean's response was quick and honest, "I'm just here to be her cheerleader and to stay back here at all times." Meaning behind my legs aka away from the "danger zone". My sweet, sweet husband had no idea what he was in for. Just as we were joking about his role in this process my first real contraction came. I'll be honest with you, after this point my contractions are a blur. I don't remember times (other than the time they tell me Myles was born) I don't remember how many I had or how far apart they were. I remember pain. Mind numbingly, piercing, rip-your-body-apart, pain. These were NOT the contractions I had with my kidney infections. Holy labor were these contractions awful. My entire body tightened and contracted with each wave. I was rolling side to side to get some comfort or relief or something-anything! I don't recall holding my breath but I know my breathing was not regular because what I do remember, very clearly was the nurse constantly telling me to breathe and that if I didn't calm down a little more and breathe through my contractions that it was going to harm the baby. Harm the baby? My mind raced. I had to control my breathing. It seemed nothing I did was working though. There are a lot of things that I can't remember from that day but two things I will never forget are the looks that my mom and Dean gave me during my contractions. My mom had stopped in for an innocent, pre-baby visit when she was met with my screaming and writhing. I didn't have to say a word, her face was white as a ghost and she left the room before entering completely. The nurse questioned my pain as I assume she was about to offer an epidural. "7/10" I replied. I really felt like it was an 11/10 but being a nurse I knew that 10/10 is SERIOUS SERIOUS pain and I assumed that I still had some pain left before I got there. I remember this as clear as day because now looking back on it I am thankful for this pain, I know that this pain was NOT normal and probably contributed slightly to my son and I being so healthy even after birth. My nurse looked at me and said "Now Ashley, you've just started having contractions and it could be a long day. If you think you're at a 7 you're probably closer to a 4 because after your water breaks and the baby started to come you're pain will be much worse." I was FURIOUS! How in the H*E#L did she know how bad my pain was!? I was even underestimating! I have never really wanted to harm another human being until that very moment. The contractions continued and suddenly I felt a little wetness. If women poo themselves during labor I thought for sure it was possible that I peed a little during my last horrific contraction. I told the nurse that I thought I had peed and wanted to change the pad under me. She obliged and lifted the sheet, probably thinking that my water was breaking and she would find clear fluid all over the bed. To both of our surprise, there was blood instead. My sheets never got changed.

The nurse picked up her cordless phone and while calmly saying to me "Ashley, it looks like you've leaked a little blood with that last contraction. I'm just going to call the Dr. and update them on how your labor is going." I'm not exactly sure what happened next or what the medical staff had decided at that point but the nurse came back into the room with an anesthesiologist, nurse anesthetist, the resident on-call, and another nurse. Man, babies sure do bring a crowd! After getting to my bed side she told me that they had contacted Dr. Breit and she wanted me to have the resident check me and possible go ahead and insert my epidural if I was dilated to 3cm or more. Now, I didn't tell anyone this but my magic number was 4, maybe 5 if I could handle it. I knew that after getting an epidural many women wait much longer to have their babies because it's a relaxant and it does just that to the body and the baby. After checking and bringing out more blood (I had no idea birth was SO bloody!!) the on-call reported that I was at 3cm. On comes another contraction, more blood, and I decide 3cm it is! Bring on that magic epidural!! I continued to have contractions pretty severely while the anesthesia team set up and with rightful concern for accuracy and safety they (the people in charge:)) decided that I should lay on my side in the fetal position-funny huh??- to keep from jerking or moving while they inserted the catheter (epidural catheter). As the contractions started I felt like I was seeing red, no maybe it was blue, or black....was I blacking out? I know that the nurse was holding my legs still as Dean held my arms and shoulders and I was just trying to keep the pain inside and not move. I can honestly say I have no recollection of how it felt to get an epidural. I don't remember it burning or hurting or pinching or stinging. The pain of the contractions I was having was so overwhelming that I couldn't think about or focus on anything else. As the anesthesia team finished up I was told that I could try to roll back to my other side for possibly a little more comfort (ha! comfort!) As I straitened out my body (I was no longer being restrained) and rolled to my back I felt a pop. My water broke! FINALLY!!! GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME! Also, thank God I just got that epidural-WHEW! Little did I know the party wasn't about to start the way I planned. Here we go again, the plan that didn't go as planned. Cute huh? Now from this point on I remember bits and pieces. I remember faces and phrases but not exactly the entire account. I do remember that after my water broke there was blood EVERYWHERE. It was on the floor, on the bed, on my sheets, on my gown, literally on everything. I remember the resident rushing in (I assume the nurse paged her) and she said "Oh wow, you're at a 10" in a quick, matter-of-fact tone. She told me that my Dr. was on her way and would be here soon but that the hospital laborist was going to help me "practice" pushing until she could get here. Hm...that's odd I didn't know you "practiced" pushing.....ah well. I followed command. I didn't have much time to think about it as the staff pulled out my bed and raised the stirrups. This.is.getting.real. I couldn't feel anything waist down so the staff had to raise and hold my legs in place. They all looked so busy running around the room and I remember my nurse grabbing Dean's arm and saying "Here! Hold her leg!". Um....that wasn't in Dean's birth plan...excuse me...he was supposed to stay behind the danger zone, not deliver our child! Flash forward past more events I don't remember and I have an oxygen mask on. A non-rebreather mask in fact. This must be serious. I start to get really scared. "his pulse is at 80" I hear a nurse say. Now I'm really scared. Why is his pulse dropping??! "Ashley he's crowing, I'm going to use the vacuum with your permition to help him out. We need to get him out in 3 pushes or we'll have to go to the O.R."

HOLY CRAP! This just got real. This is NOT a normal labor or a normal birth. This is serious. I clamped down and used what little energy I had to push but I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel a baby, I couldn't feel me push. I had no idea if I was helping or hurting. Quickly the laborist threw a pair of scrubs at Dean (I knew what that meant) and told me that the vacuum wasn't holding suction on Myles' head and we would have to head to the operating room quickly. There was no waiting for a response, no assuring me that everything was going to be ok. This was it. I don't remember going to the OR or leaving the OR after Myles was born but I do remember clips of the events. I remember entering through the double doors into a bright, sterile room. I remember the HUGE light that hung above me and my weight when they transferred me from the bed to the table: 176lbs. I remember my Dr. arriving and yelling "Ashley! I'm here! don't worry! I'm scrubbing in now". I assume by the time they had me prepped and ready that my Dr was ready because I heard her voice talk me through everything. And then, he cried. Praise Jesus our son was ok! "He's crying! Dean he's crying!!" I'm honestly not sure that I actually remember the moment that he cried or the sound but I remember feeling so helpless and knowing that in the other room there was a team from the NICU waiting for my baby. All I could do was try to stay awake (it was really hard!), not throw up (I had already done so several times), and pray. I am not exaggerating when I say that I prayed harder in the short amount of time I was in that operating room than I may have ever done in my entire life. He was born at 10:26 am on January 31, 2013. I know this because it says it on his birth certificate, not because I have any idea what time I even entered the operating room! Dean brought Myles in to me after he was cleared by the neonatologist and I'm told that I doted on my son and was glowing with joy but sadly I don't remember. I don't have a memory from the time I heard him cry until an hour later when I woke up in recovery and nursed Myles for the first time. I missed his first bath while I was "out". Luckily the nurse guided Dean through it and he did an awesome job. I was still pretty lethargic and disoriented when the nurse told us the good news that we would be leaving recovery and heading to our room. Little did I know the room full of people waiting to hold Myles would be more detrimental to our recovery than helpful. We were so happy that our family was able to be meet Myles so soon and be present for his delivery; especially me, being that my parents are divorced and not often at events together-let alone the same hospital! A lot of my memories of the first two days are just as hazy as the delivery. I was in a lot of pain and very weak and tired from all of the blood loss. I had lost 2 liters just on the operating room table! I was very dizzy and had thrown up numerous times that first day. It seemed every time I opened my eyes that the room was spinning faster and faster. It was so thoughtful of our family members to come to the hospital and help out, holding Myles while I slept (which I did a lot of!). But it was also hard on our nursing relationship. For the first few days the only time I held Myles was when I was feeding him. The family members only had a limited time with him so I wanted them to be able to fill up on their Myles love:) I just wasn't aware that the skin to skin contact I wasn't getting could be so detrimental to my milk supply "coming-in". Myles was jaundice and losing too much weight (almost a full pound in 3 days!). We ended up staying a fourth day in the hospital because of Myles' condition to be on the "safe side". I was FREAKING OUT! I know the stress wasn't helping my body to recover but I couldn't help but to worry about this little miracle that had come into our lives. Thankfully day 3 in the hospital we got an awesome lactation consultant who really gave me some amazing tips! (Thanks Deb!) I followed her recommendations and the next morning started seeing results. Myles had gained 1/2 lb back and we were on our way to discharge! It was an emotional roller coaster to say the least and I'm truly sad that I don't have pictures or videos to remind me of that day but in the end I know have it down in writing and a memory is a memory if you make it one:)

FAIL!!!

Well it's a good thing I don't have a mountain of followers on this blog. Otherwise you all (my make-believe followers) would have noticed that my 31 days of finding time blog crashed and burned badly. It was a little over presumptuous of me to think that while Dean was TDY (there's a post about this!) that I could be a super-"single"-mom, student, employee, and blogger. <I mean, who doesn't have time to fit those things in a 24 hour period. After two weeks of trying, REALLY trying hard to make it work Dean came home and I realized that I really wanted to make time for was our little family. The blog was meant to remind me to make time for things and I realized that there isn't always time. Sometimes things get missed or left behind. Sometimes you have to decide what's more important or needs time more. It's a hard balance but realizing that I don't have to do it all was more of a relief than anything else. I didn't want to lose sleep just to keep up with my blog or risk writing during nap time and not having enough time to study or being tired (ha!) at work. So, I decided to not only stop my 31 day project but to stop writing for the rest of October and pick up again when I had the free time that wasn't taking away from our growing boy! He is seriously growing SO fast!! I hate when people tell you not to blink because you'll miss out but honestly it's true. Myles literally does something new everyday and it's such a joy to be able to watch him grow. So, for your viewing pleasure and because most of you don't get to see him often I'm going to flood this post with a few pictures of our handsome little man! Enjoy:)

Here's one picture for each month after birth. I included two 9 month pictures because he's been so active! he starting crawling, pulling up, and couch-surfing this month!!

Making Time to keep in touch (day 12)

Making Time to Play (day 11)

Making Time to Improve (day 10)

Making Time for Lunch (day 9)

Today I decided to do something different. I had lunch, ALONE!! I don't know how exciting or surprising this is to anyone else but for me it was pretty serious! It's way out of my comfort zone. I can do a lot of things alone; grocery shop, check the mail, work out. But when it comes to going into a restaurant, ordering food and sitting alone I get terrified! It's mostly because I love the company of others (and talking to them:)). I remember when Dean and I started dating (a long, long time ago) he told me that he went to the movies alone and it blew my mind! I envied him a little and at the same time felt sad for him hahaha No but seriously, I was like "how weird is this guy?!". I thought, why WOULDN'T you want someone with you?! Then I kept dating him and realized he was neither a loner nor a serial killer and that maybe it was pseudo-normal do be in public alone? hmm... what a thought. It actually worked perfectly for my plans today because I was let out of class early and had a few extra hours to spare so I packed up my laptop and micro notes and headed to Panera. It was really nice actually! I got free wi-fi and a yummy lunch and left feeling smarter and full:) I may have to do this more often!

Making Time to Care (day 8)

The dictionary offers several definitions for the word "care". One definition says, "a burdened state of mind, as that arising from heavy responsibilities; worry." and yet another, "to provide physical needs, help, or comfort." Although there is a huge difference between the textbook definitions of "giving care" and "caring" it is extremely difficult to call yourself a nurse and be able to separate the two. I had a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago about my future plans in nursing and the subject of "care" has now reminded me of it. I told Dean that after finishing some further training in nursing I wanted to work in Hospice care. I told him I felt the calling for it and thought it would really be rewarding. His reply was shocking to me but in the same sense, not surprising. He said, "Why would you want to work with people who are dying, that sounds so depressing." His statement was so....true. To many of us the thought of dying is sad and lonely and not something we strive to do. However, most of us are not full of tumors. Most of us aren't struggling to take a single breath. Most of us don't depend of healthcare professionals and around-the-clock care to survive. Those are the people who welcome death. They welcome the thought of no more hurt, no more disease, and no more suffering for themselves and their families. These are the people who we could only be so lucky to surround ourselves with. If you look at these people (not patients, people.) just right you'll see the hope they offer, you'll see just how precious life is and hopefully, you will treasure your life even more. Everyone deserves to be respected and comforted in their final days and being able to be an advocate for those individuals is such an empowering position. It's about caring; providing physical needs, help, and comfort. But it's also about the burden, the worry, and the stress. To truly touch a life as a nurse you have to be able to find a steady balance. I feel as if I have really entered into a profession that fits me. I feel lucky everyday that I am excited to go to work and happy to do my job. I show up to work and I get to hear stories from those who are much older than I am about their lives and their careers and their marriages and I know that life is too short to take any aspect of it for granted. The best part about "caring" is you don't have to schedule it into your day! I hope we can all make a little more time to care about others and shape a more thoughtful world for those to follow us.

Making Time to Learn (day 7)

I was in my Microbiology class this morning, completely enthralled in everything our professor was saying (I love me some science!) when she paused the lecture to answer a couple questions. I noticed then that around the room students were doodling, texting, sleeping, EATING or just talking to each other. *disclaimer, a rant is about to start. skip to the bottom if you don't want to hear it* Not only do I find it extremely disrespectful (call me old school) to speak over a teacher, It's also really distracting! It makes me wonder how anyone can judge a professor (good or bad) if they aren't even taking the time to listen? It's not high school, you don't HAVE to be here, you PAID to be here, why not get your money's worth? Even worse, this professor makes it very clear to the students that she will TELL us what we need to know. So, if you're failing the test maybe you should start coming to class and listening? It makes me so sad to see that so many American students take our Educational system and learning in general for granted. It's been a long time passed since America has had world-rated education programs but we are also far from the bottom people! Take advantage of these learning opportunities and use them! *Rant over* So today I took my phone out of my pocket in class and placed it in my bag. For three hours I didn't take it out or check the screen. I just listened, took notes, and LEARNED something. It was extremely freeing and refreshing:)

Making Time to Pray (day 6)

It may be a bit cliche' that I've chosen to write about prayer on a Sunday but hear me out! The 31 day blog series I've started is all about making time and it made me realize that I have no problem making time for prayer and worship on Sundays (what else is the day of rest for!?) but I am not so diligent throughout the rest of the week. Sure, I talk to God more than just one day a week but writing this post got me thinking. Do I "make time" for God or do I just fit our talks in to whatever smiggen of time I have left in the day? Are my prayers really full of quality and meaning if I am giving them about as much attention as I gave my lunch? My post today isn't as much about how I made time for prayer as how I hope to make MORE time for it. I been fortunate enough to live such a blessed and charmed life and to think that there is one person-one God who made all of this possible, who knew before I did that this would all occur just humbles me to the core. I can only hope and pray that the blessings will continue and God will keep guiding our little family down the path he sees fit.

Making Time to Explain (day 5)

One of our good friends, Nicole and her daughter Leila came over for dinner tonight (Saturday) and left me with more good blog information than I know what to do with. One specific conversation with two year old Leila stood out though and I want to share it. It reminded me how simple, pure, and kind the minds and hearts of children are and how we could learn so much by talking and acting (loosely) like them. Young children don't judge, they don't discriminate, they don't hate (despite what they may scream at times) and they call it at face value. Most of you know who my miracle of a nephew Killian is and the long road of surgeries, hospital stays, and illnesses that he has traveled on over the past 22 months. Last year at Christmas, Lindsey (K's mom) made the most creative (and handy!) coasters that had various pictures on them. These pictures just so happened to include a few of baby K in a Santa hat playing with Christmas lights:) Leila proceeded to unstack the coasters and place them side by side. After reorganizing the coasters she began to examine them. Two of K and two of Dean and I. She looked closely at the coaster with Killian and his Santa hat and began to touch K's belly with her finger. She looked at me and said "boo-boo? baby has boo-boo? why baby have boo-boo?" while touching the spot where Killian's gtube is placed. I could see the curiosity in her eyes while a thousand answers raced through my head. I was mentally grasping at one that would be toddler friendly and maybe educational? So I replied, "baby has a boo-boo called a gtube. He's a very special baby and this boo-boo helps him put food in his belly." Leila took a few seconds to process what I said and replied "baby has boo-boo gtube? baby has gtube!" The simplicity and honesty that was her reaction warmed my heart. Leila has no clue what a gtube is and it makes no difference to her whether a baby has one or not. We should all strive to be a little more like two year olds sometimes (minus the fighting-nap-time, throwing-fits, peeing-their-pants, situations).

Making Time for Friends (day 4)

Before I became a mom I remember hearing people say that they lose friends because of babies or they just don't have time to keep in contact. One of my many goals after becoming a mom was to defy that stage. Although I don't talk to Missy (and my other friends) daily like I used to, (no lie, we would talk 3-4 times a day-AND we both work full time!) but I do still make a point to call and take the time to catch up or text and follow up on recent events. I want my friends to know that they are a huge part of my life. Growing up an Army brat I wasn't raised near my family and I have always considered my friends to be family. These are people I saw day in and day out, many of whom I stayed with when my parents were out of town and vice-versa. To not keep in touch or be in contact regularly just seems unnatural to me. Today (Friday) I called Missy on my way home from work just to catch up, we hadn't talked in about 3 days but quickly updated each other and got on to our normal banter about future haircuts, prime time television, and children. It may not have been an hour phone call (we're pretty efficient:)) but it accomplished what we needed it to. I can't explain how lucky I am and how blessed I feel to be surrounded by such amazing friends. I hope that I can always find a way to make time for them, no matter how long or short that time is.

Making Time for Mornings (day 3)

Most mornings consist of me waking up between 4:45-5am and feeding Myles, getting dressed for work, packing my lunch and my bags and heading out of the house by 5:30. No breakfast in bed, no coffee brewing, no newspaper or morning news. I barely give myself time to wake up before I scramble to the car. I will say though, I'm pretty efficient at rushing and getting ready in a flash in the mornings and it's in part related to the fact that Dean takes mornings with Myles. He gets him dressed, makes his bottles, and takes him to daycare; all things that I don't do most weekdays, unless Dean is TDY which he just so happens to be this week. I must admit, as hard as it is to fit double the amount of tasks into my morning, I do love spending them with my little boy! It's a nice change from my mundane schedule. I don't have to set an alarm on my phone, I just wait and wake up to my little human alarm clock instead. I get to ease in to waking up by feeding Myles first and then getting him dressed. Babies don't exactly respond well to being rushed so he keeps me in check in the mornings and makes sure I take my time getting things together. After Myles' and I are both ready it's time to let Linkin out and feed him. I forgot to mention that Dean also takes care of the dog! How did I forget that!? After the baby and the dog and the mom (ME!) are all ready it's finally time to go! At least I thought it was time to go until Myles coughed up phlegm which caused him to gag and throw up on him and mommy...This actually happened...I really can't make this stuff up...  I was actually wishing that today was my "Make time for a shower day" because I then had to go to work with baby vomit dried in my hair after changing myself and Myles and bathing him and then leaving the house 30 minutes later. (I did shower later though, DON'T WORRY!) I had originally planned on being at work by 7:30 (an hour an a half later than normal) and I managed to clock in by 8:30. Although I hadn't planned on making extra time for the morning, my darling, adorable, sickly little boy made sure that I did! Long story short: I love making time for my mornings with Myles, even if they do get a little messy:)

Making Time to Shower (day 2)

You may laugh at the subject I chose to make time for today. Unless you're a new mom, and then you're probably wondering what tip or secret I'm going to share with you regarding being able to shower in peace. Sadly, I have no secrets. I selfishly take Myles to daycare to shower in peace. It's the only way (other than when he's sleeping) to shower in true peace. Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who does not yet have children and my only advice to her was to shower in peace while she still could. Her response, "I've heard a lot of moms say that it's hard to shower. Why can't you just stick the kid in a swing in the bathroom?" That's a great question. Babies are smart. They know just how to manipulate a situation to their favor. No lie, Myles would be soundly asleep ready to nap and I "jump" in the shower for a quick rinse, 30 seconds later the alarms sound and my child is screaming like the boogie man is real and in his room. It's like he could sense my blood pressure dropping and my body relaxing and he needed to wake me up. So, today I made time to relax. I haven't been feeling well the last couple days. Call it change of season or just general yuckiness but I've been achy and tired and gross. All the recipe for a nice, long, hot shower. None of which I have time for on most days. I got my grungy, oily hair, sweatpants self together and dropped Myles off at daycare and then made my home to bask in my glorious, skin melting, steam shower. It nothing short of glorious I tell you and it was my 15 (or 40) minutes to make time for something without disruption and without multitasking. Day 2:Success.

31 Days of Making Time

After being inspired by a fancy blogger with an equally fancy name (www.fancyashley.com) who is taking on a 31 day blog challenge I have decided too to take on this challenge of daily blogging! I'm sure it will be ill-written and at times (more often than not) boring but It is a great reason to start blogging more often and an even better reason to polish up on my blogging skills! So, for my 31 day challenge I have decided to blog about making time. Not "fitting things in" or "multitasking" either. I mean good old-fashioned, clear your calendar, turn your phone off, shut the world out, time. More often than not I find myself playing with Myles while cooking dinner and feeding him and loading/unloading the dishwasher and letting the dog in and out and talking to Dean on the phone while texting a friend and checking Facebook/Instagram. Just typing my multitasking schedule out is exhausting enough, try living it! So, for the next 31 days I am going to try (REALLY HARD) to make time each day for one specific activity. It may only be 15 minutes but it will be 15 focused, uninterrupted minutes. The uninterrupted part is key by the way. We as a society have gotten so used to multitasking (and being pretty good at it!) that we don't even realize we are doing it sometimes. Day 1: Make time for my blog. I'll start simple:) I started this blog as a way for our friends and families to follow our journey as newlyweds and new parents living far away from our comfort zone. Along the way however I have put my blog on the backburner and even when writing blog posts I sometimes find myself preoccupied with the other million things I need (want) to get accomplished that day. So, tonight I'm sitting in our living room on the couch, everyone else in the house is sleeping, the TV is off, I only have one tab open, and my cell phone is sitting next to me but it is locked and was not turned on during this blog. I feel relaxed and realize that this is the way blogging should be; an outlet. One day down, 30 more to go! Can't wait to blog about what I make time for tomorrow!

A year in the life

It's been a little over a year since I began writing this blog and although I haven't always been diligent in keeping my posts up to date I am thankful to our friends who suggested it. Looking back over the past year and our life in Kansas I love having the written memories and pictures to look at. I am sad  that I haven't kept up with it more though. There have been so many fun memories from this summer that I may write a few late blog posts just for my own enjoyment. I have also yet to write a blog post about Myles' birth. I think everyone is aware that he has been born (otherwise I would have set some weird world record for pregnancy length-gross!), but most don't know that his birth had a lot of complications and a few really scary moments for both Myles and mommy (ME!). Because of this and the fact that so many of our close friends are expecting I have refrained from sharing our birth story in fear that I would spook them or cause nervous feelings that are unnecessary. I may still write a post about it now and save it for later though:) I notice myself forgetting small details from our time in the hospital which is most likely related to the copious amounts of drugs that were pushed into my system so I want to document and record before I'm left asking dean to tell it to me! To keep myself from writing a novel about our first in Kansas I am going to just list some exciting events that have happened in the last 12 months!

April 2012:Dean, Ashley, Linkin, and Zelda move to Wichita, Kansas! Dean starts work at McConnell Air Force Base.
May 2012: Baby H is spotted via ultrasound and has a strong, steady heartbeat to prove it:)
June 2012: We move into our first Kansas home in Derby, Kansas. It has a really nice, comfy basement for us to hide in during tornadoes (ugh!) and a nursery for baby H! One of my oldest and best friends (Whitney) and her sister (Jamie) come to Kansas for a visit. Jamie and I are both miserable in the summer heat but spend a day at the water park anyway:) <Life is hard:)
July 2012: I started my job at Regent Park Rehab and Healthcare and I love it! (I'm still there actually:)) 
August 2012: Baby H is officially BABY BOY H! aka Myles
September 2012: I am diagnosed with placenta previa and put on a lifting/activity restriction (no bed rest though!)
November 2012: Baby Shower and Friendsgiving in Lexington-YAY! Two trips home! We also celebrated Christmas at Casa de Haggard (the in laws) in lieu of me not being able to travel at Christmas time. I also made the mistake of running to my gate at the airport this month and had my first hospital visit related to contractions. Not smart Ashley, not smart.
December 2012: Christmas, duh!!! We spent the month of December in and out of the hospital because of Kidney infections and contractions. Luckily there was no early labor and Myles stayed put but spending Christmas Eve in the hospital was not my idea of Noel:( Myles is still breech and it seems as if he will be delivered via scheduled c-section. I am already dilated 1 cm and thinking there is no way this baby will make it 40 weeks (the jokes on me!).
January 2013: Prior to my 37 week appointment I have an ultrasound that shows no more placenta previa and a HEAD DOWN baby! I'm 2cm dilated and seem to be progressing, It's go time baby (H)! Although Myles waiting until we kicked him out he did make it before the end of the month. I was NOT going to be pregnant in February! Myles Landon Haggard was born on January 31st at 10:26am via emergency c-section after induction and only 3 hours of labor. He is absolutely perfect and HEALTHY! (So is mommy!) All of Myles' grandparents were also able to be at the hospital for his birth, we couldn't have been more blessed! We spent 4 long days in the hospital because of surgery, Jaundice and weight loss but were out in time to watch the Super Bowl at home. It really is the little things.
February 2013: Dean leaves for his first TDY to Destin, Florida (hard life, I know). We celebrated 2 blissful and exciting years of Marriage. Kansas gets more snow than they've had in years....thanks Kansas. Gramma Welch and Aunt Kimmy come to Kansas to meet baby Myles. He loves them, of course!
March 2013: Tour De Myles! We took Myles on his first plane ride and traveled from Tennessee to Ohio to visit family. He loved every minute of it!
April 2013: Ashley goes back to work (BOO) and Myles starts daycare. Luckily his teachers are awesome and make mom and dad feel much better about being away from him!
May 2013: I'm sure something happened in May, I'm just not sure what:) I'll fill this month up with text just to make it match (it's my OCD).
June 2013: Dean gets an early promotion!!! Senior Airman below the zone:) Yay for Dean! This is a pretty big deal because there are only a select number of spots for this early promotion. Myles and I are so proud!
July 2013: Dean takes his GRE and rocks it! Myles and Mommy(ME!) meet Whitney (and mason, maddex, and maeliegh!) in Tulsa for a couple days of swimming, eating, shopping, and fun! Whitney's sister Jamie and her son Reece and her mom also came! it was an amazing reunion! (note that at this time last year Jamie and I were both prego and now our sons are swimming together:)) Brad, Ale, Mark, Judy, Sofia, and Evy come to Kansas!!! We had an awesome weekend with them and got to take family pictures to document the memory. July was a busy month! OH! Most importantly, we celebrated America's birthday! Myles loved the fireworks and slept through most of them.
August 2013: Dean goes TDY again, 14 days this time! Ashley gets to be a single mom for a few weeks and does NOT like it! Single moms need a vacation and a government holiday, you guys ROCK! Dean also interviews at the Air Force Academy for a Master's program-WISH HIM LUCK! He will get his results in November. (nail biting will ensue until then) Myles' moves up to Infant 2 (tears!!!) and leaves his favorite teachers for the big baby room:( Yes, I wanted to cry.
September 2013: A trip home for Carly and Shelby's wedding has us excited! Only a few more weeks! We're also hoping for baby Avery (Mason and Annie's little sweetie)  to be born so we can meet her! It's hard to believe that last September our close group of friends had zero babies and now we have 3 with one arriving any day and 2 more expected in the new year!

This year has been busy, crazy, amazing, and blessed. We couldn't ask for more!!

TD-Y??

TDY or Temporary Duty is a travel assignment at any location other than a person's home of station that lasts longer than 2 days and usually less than 2 months. Next to deployments, TDY's are a common reason for our loved ones to be away. By the time Myles was born Dean had been in the Air Force for about a year and a half with zero TDY's or deployments. This is pretty uncommon but we attributed this to the fact that he spent much of his first year in various training courses. We still knew however that his time was yet to come and only hoped that it would be short! No one wants to spend time away from their loved ones and  I will be the first to say that I would much rather see Dean go on 5 TDY's if it meant he didn't get deployed. However, it doesn't make the situation suck any less. The first TDY Dean went on was when Myles was a ripe two weeks old and mommy (ME!) was frazzled, sleep deprived, and stressed to the max. Luckily Wichita was hit by an awful snow storm which cut Dean's trip from a week long assignment to only 3 days. Being that I nurse Myles I was used to not getting much of a break even when Dean was home because of his feeding schedule (is there anything else newborns do!?) so the first trip really flew by and wasn't nearly as scary as I imagined. The second trip however, was a challenge. It really gave me an inside view of how hard our life would/will be if/when Dean gets deployed. He was gone 14 days this time and although my mom did come to help out for a few days it was still an adjustment to get myself and Myles ready and get to work in the morning and then pick him up and get him ready for bed every night. Did I mention this trip was conveniently scheduled my first week of school? So go ahead and add homework and studying to that schedule too:( Yep. That really happened. I should also add that normally Dean gets Myles ready in the morning (makes bottles, gets his diaper bag ready, takes him to daycare) because I go in to work at 6am and daycare doesn't open until 6:30. Luckily my boss is AWESOME (all caps!) and allowed me to come in late keeping me from having to do all of that annoying FMLA paperwork and missing work.

Myles and Dean FaceTiming. Myles was showing daddy his new stunna shades:)

 Let me just say that single moms are HEROES!!! I played a single mom one time (this time actually:)) and it was not something I want to do again! Thankfully the geniuses at Apple invented FaceTime and Myles and I were able to chat with our long lost patriarch each night before bed. It definitely wasn't the same as having him home but I think back to when my dad went TDY or even when he was deployed in the Gulf War and wonder how different things would have been if we could have seen his face every day? If we wanted to see a video of my dad when he was deployed we had to wait for it in the mail. There was no email, no picture messages, no VIDEO messages, and most certainly no Skype or FaceTime. As hard as it is to be a military spouse and see my husband leave, I know that we are so fortunate to have the technology we do now that enables us to keep in contact.

A dresser for Myles

I have to admit that I most certainly bit off more than I could chew with this last project. I'm blaming pinterest and possibly, nesting for this one! After searching for a dresser for Myles' room and having no luck at all I took to craigslist (against my better, not-wanting-to-get-kidnapped judgement) to look for an antique option. You see, the problem with nursery furniture is that every brand has their own shade of "cinnamon" or "cherry" and the crib that Melissa so generously gave us was now discontinued. I was having such a hard time finding something that matched that I decided DIY was my best option at this point. Lucky for me, Kansas just happens to have all kinds of antique furniture! and the lovely couple that I found on craigslist just-so-happened to be liquidating their parents (her in-laws) antique store after they had become too weak and sick to run it themselves. So, long story short I found an adorable "tall boy" dresser complete with wheels, key holes, and original knobs! Think it can't get better? It only set me back a cool $50!!

After having Dean load and unload the dresser and letting it sit in our garage for 2 months I finally decided in December I should start the decorating process. Especially since Myles' arrival was only a month away! So, after reading several DIY blogs I purchased 6 cans of all-in-one primer+spray paint, sandpaper, antique glaze, and pewter/grey paint for the details. Let me be the first to tell you that the blogs will recommend to spray paint because "it gives better coverage". You know what else it gives? the painter carpel tunnel syndrome after 6 cans of spray paint have been used on a dresser! I didn't even know the muscles in my fingers were that out of shape, or were even there for a matter of fact. Here's what I recommend: Buy regular paint (still use paint+primer), use a brush, and sand out the imperfections later because the spray paint is going to leave little bubbles in random spots too and will require sanding, enjoy the dexterity your fingers will retain from not holding down the button on a spray can for hours on end:) After coating the entire dresser I was left with this:

**DISCLAIMER** I did not paint the dresser in Myles' room. Dean carried it inside for me from our very well ventilated garage after spray painting was complete. 

Now that the base color was dry and the imperfections were sanding out it was time to tape off the design! I must admit I have a small obsession with chevron (as evidence by the fact that I've already blogged about making a chevron lamp). So I started taping off zig-zags.

Last step! After successfully taping the dresser and applying several coats of paint it was time to apply the antique glaze, paint the knobs, sand the edges and change the purpose of the piece! lol Originally it was meant to be a changing table but in order for it to be of use we would have to cut the legs shorter and I had grown attached to the charming wheels. I decided to paint the knobs with the left over yellow paint from my previous DIY lamp shade and then added a couple frames alongside the lamp for added decor. Below is the final finished product. It may have taken a while and caused me some pregnancy pain but I do love what we have now!

I hope Myles likes it! Otherwise mommy might steal it:)

Good Friends, Good Food, Amazing Family!

First thing is first, just a little disclaimer: I want to recommend to any pregnant woman who thinks it's a good idea in her third trimester to take a 12+ hour trip (driving) not to. I don't care how excited you are or how great you feel, you will hate life, yourself, your husband, and the world 8 hours into the drive there and the entire day before the drive back. Don't do it. You will most likely develop restless leg syndrome so severe you have to shake your leg the entire last two hours keeping you from driving or sleeping! None of the crappy fast food sounds good and when you try something you think will work you get heartburn so bad that your $6 bottle of gas station tums doesn't take care of it:( you will swell up to the size of a hippo. Seriously. My toes looked like mini vienna sausages and it wasn't a good look. Just don't do it. On the plus side, if you do happen to take a lengthy trip back home there are a lot of positives that make it worthwhile. We started out our trip by driving into Nashville very late on Wednesday (before Thanksgiving) and spending the night with  my dad and step-mom. The next morning we woke up, got ready, and headed to Hoptown (Hopkinsville:)) to see my gramma, aunts, and cousins for Thanksgiving dinner. I can't say enough how much I love my family and how happy they make me. I never stop laughing when I'm around them and I always regret leaving because I'm never certain when we'll all be together again. The food alone was worth the 12 hours I spent in traveling purgatory. I think I actually used the term "food drunk" several times that day, and I really was! After eating more than should have ever fit into my body I remember the room getting fuzzy and being very very drowsy. But no time for sleep!! We needed to head to Lexington to celebrate ThanksChristmas with Mark, Judy, Brad, Ale, Sofia and Evy! Which meant more food, more family, and more fun!! We arrived at Casa de Haggard pretty late but we were greeted by two of the sweetest little girls ever which instantly made the drive worth it (again). Friday morning we would have breakfast, beignets, and Christmas!!The next day we did JUST that:) Sofia and Evy helped hand out presents (well, Sofia handed out presents. Evy tried to take presents!)

Evy had her eye on the prize!!

 We all emptied our stockings and Dean ate almost all of his candy within the hour (seriously) with a little help from the girls of course:) and just when we thought our trip home couldn't get any better, we still had Friendsgiving!! For those of you not familiar with this shindig, it is when our friends gather for a Thanksgiving of our own. It usually happens before Thanksgiving but because our friends love us so much they moved it to that Saturday so we could participate! (yeah, they're really that awesome!) There's nothing better than being welcomed home by all of the people you love the most. We were so lucky to be able to share in these amazing events and make lasting memories with family and friends.

All of the lovely ladies at the Ames' Friendsgiving!